Thougths on Dominance

thoughts on Dominance

To discuss dominance, it is necessary to define traits and characteristics of those who dominate. There are those who dominate the weak by running over them and those who offer a solution to partners who feel a need to release power to another. In the first case, there is little or no benefit to the one being dominated. In the second case, entrusting power to another is a means of sharing the reflection of power between partners to make the partnership more powerful than either could be alone. While some might feel that the first case is a viable D/s arrangement, I feel that the second offers far more to a relationship.

Who are dominants? First of all, being dominant isn't only found in D/s. There are dominants in every profession, every walk of life strolling through your local mall that never heard of D/s. That does not make them less dominant, just focused in a different direction. To me, these people share two common traits with the dominants who have found the D/s lifestyle. I feel that dominance is defined quite simply. Being dominant, in my opinion, is an attitude and being a presence. Whether they are involved in D/s or in other pursuits in life, dominant people share those two traits. I feel that becoming a dominant is a process that begins early in life. The attitude comes from self-confidence and self esteem that one grows into as they reach maturity. Being a presence is taking that growth and realizing that when it is used wisely, people are drawn to it. I feel this is an unconscious growth process spurred on by one intuitively recognizing that their attitude and presence allow them to make things happen. In my opinion, this process is why it isn't possible to "create" a dominant. Buying every toy on earth cannot give one the attitude of a dominant or create a presence. Someone without the attitude and presence can become technically adept with a whip or flogger, but that doesn't make them a dominant.

The attitude and presence are unconscious intangibles that create an opportunity for a dominant to attract a partner or partners to them. Honesty and responsibility are the traits necessary to bind that partner to the dominant. Honesty in acts and deeds has to be there for trust to develop. Responsibility is what defines a dominant's place in the relationship. To me, a dominant has the responsibility to guide a partner to be all they can be in every facet of their life. This isn't about micro-management, but rather being supportive and encouraging the submissive to achieve their goals, reset goals, and grow further. Those who only see growth as surpassing or extending limits, miss the joy of seeing a submissive find new levels of accomplishment in the other arenas that life takes them. Often, a simple word, or a suggestion, are sufficient to add the power a partner needs to grow. If one doesn't see this or provide it, both are denied the reflection of power that comes from growth.

My favorite quote, "power whispers…. It has no reason to yell." Those few words define my feeling about attitude and being a presence. Those who understand the power of a look… a touch… a nod…or a whispered word, will find themselves empowered by the submission of their partner. Use the power wisely and life will bring the happiness that you both seek.

Michael Montgomery

Excerpted from the book "nytewhispers", published January, 2002

© Copyright USA. Michael Montgomery, All rights reserved by the Author

Published with the authors permission