WHY?

WHY?


What your shrink won't tell you about BDSM D/s

The journey of one Dominatrix and one of her submissives

By Anna J. Lightfoot, Dominatrix

Edited by my friend, Phyllis

---

I am a dominant human being. In the time I've been practicing my art in the world
of BDSM and D/s, I've come to learn and understand more about human nature than
I had expected possible.

I'm not a doctor, lawyer or Indian Chief. I don't have a string of letters
after my name telling the world I'm 'educated' in the sciences of the mind and
emotions or the inner workings of the body. My opinions and theories have weight
only in my small circle of influence. But, in this little circle, my word is
law; my most simplistic of wishes are commands; my punishments are quick and
severe; my forgiveness is earned, not lightly given; my standards are high;
my subjects must submit to my will, foregoing their own. These unbending facts
are discussed in detail prior to my acceptance of anyone into my circle. Period.


Why would anyone in their right mind give me that much power over their life?
What kind of person am I that I would not only take the power, but relish the
ownership of it? Are we warped, sick, deranged, demented, unbalanced? Were we
marred at birth? Or, could it be, we have allowed ourselves to ride the river
of our own choices, desires, if you will, and are the most sane people you'll
ever meet?

I'm going to take one man, one submissive man, and tell you his story. Not
all of it, mind you, but the part of his life I control --- his BDSM life. In
his BDSM and D/s life, I am his superior, his Dominatrix, his guide, counselor,
tormentor, controller, and his care giver. I have restrained him, tortured him,
brought tears to his eyes, left marks on his body where I'm administered punishment,
and squeezed his balls till he whimpered and withered in agony. I've placed
him with a man in a session. I've had a Dominant male watch our session. I've
placed him with a woman in a session. I've humiliated him with my words and
actions. I've not allowed him release after I've brought him to a sexual frenzy.
I've watched him submit to me knowing I have the power to break him. And I've
rebuilt him into a stronger person. Stronger in his vanilla life than he's ever
been! Happier in his vanilla life than he's ever been! Better able to cope in
the 'real' world.

Let's talk about "Wilie" and his transformation. His strength didn't
happen overnight. His journey has been by design!

About a year or so ago, a gentle man sent me an IM (instant message) while I
was online. His profile on AOL was sparse, but his attitude and manners lead
me to believe he was a sincere man. "Willie" had little experience
in the world of BDSM but he was intrigued by the very thought of submission.
He had visited other Dominatrixes and massage parlors but had never found the
right connection. We communicated online via IM and Email for a relatively short
period of time. Even with the computer as his shield of protection, he was so
shy.

I learned Wilie was married, had two grown children, owned a home in an affluent
community, had earned a college degree, owned his own business, and was one
of the most unhappy man I'd seen in a long time. He was not pleased, fulfilled,
in so many areas of his life.

Willie was shy to the point of fear but he answered each and every question
posed to him with honest answers. He also ask a million questions. Thoughtful,
in depth, questions about every facet of BDSM and D/s. His honesty and his wonderment
touched me as few have done.

As in all relationships, there came the time of 'put up or shut up.' We would
either meet or I would not be able to expend the energy he took from me. Willie
was at the crossroads. He would either live in his own imagination or he would
take that force and use it. It was decided we would meet for coffee and talk
face to face rather than monitor to monitor.

As is my custom, before we had said ten words, I requested his drivers license.
Without hesitation, he gave it to me. He was, indeed, who he said he was and
lived where he had told me he lived. I then offered him my drivers license as
proof that I am who I said I was. One can't be too careful in this wonderful
electronic age, can one? On either side of the fence, be you dominant or submissive,
you must take precautions! But that's another article and I'm getting off track.

We went for coffee in a local diner. Willie would not look me in the eye. We
talked for a long time and finally I told him it was permissible to make eye
contract when we were in general conversation. He still kept his head down.
He fidgeted with his fingers. His voice was so low I had to strain to hear him.
Was he being a 'good little sub' or was this the man he presented to the rest
of the world? I suspected the latter.

As afraid as Willie was, we agreed to have a session. I wanted to see him as
a submissive. I wanted to take this man and use him. I also wanted to test the
merit of his willingness to surrender that will to me. On the other hand, I
didn't want to 'rush' him or take him further than he was mentally able to go
at that time. I was relatively easy on him ::evil little grin:: because I didn't
want to mar the man, just mark him a bit. If he could take the restraints, mild
CBT (cock, ball torture), and floggings I gave him this time, I'd go further
next time. If there was to be a next time ---

Our session lasted about an hour and a half. During the entire session, his
cock was rock hard and he was a major 'dripper' of pre-cum. When he was ungagged,
unrestrained, and on his knees before me, I was prepared to allow him to masturbate
to ejaculation as he had been an excellent subject for my playtime. He had taken
any and everything I'd dished out. I ask him, as is my normal way of doing things,
if he was satisfied with the session. Lo and behold, the little worm told me
he thought I'd work his balls more! Well, need I tell you I grabbed his balls
and squeezed very quickly, very hard, very long and tears were in his puny little
eyes? ::batting eyelashes:: "Is this what you want, slut?," I whispered
into his ear? "Is this what you came to me for? This?" My voice may
have been a whisper, but my tone was hard as nails. To be honest, I don't remember
if he answered my question. I don't think he could talk. My hand squeezed harder
and he fell against my chest in agony.

When, finally, I released my grip on his balls, his cock was still rock hard!
He was mine! I took him in my arms and held him, soothed him, told him he was
such a good submissive. I caressed him and whispered sweet nothings in his ear.
And I felt his body respond to mine. He melted into me as a child does after
a traumatic event.

Yes, I allowed Willie to masturbate and to cum. He had earned the privilege.

I began working on more than Willie's body in our next session. There was,
in that body, a mind that was one of the best I'd ever met. He was smart, articulate,
and his self esteem had been beaten into the ground by so many, for so long.
The repair of a person is harder, by far, than the tearing down that's been
done in the past!

At one point I used mild hypnosis on Willie. After a session we were resting
on the bed and just talking about every day things and life in general. He was
in my arms and cuddled next to me. I gave his ear lobe many little 'ear kisses'
as we talked. This wasn't a sexual stimulant but a caring gesture of fondness
for him. After we were dressed and ready to leave, I told Willie that each time
he touched his ear during the week, he was to remember the session and to feel
good about himself. He was to know he was a good man, an important man, and
a man worthy of happiness. With that, I gave him one last little ear kiss. (Side
Bar: To this day, Willie uses this techinque to relax. Good things can last
if they are practiced!)

With each session that passed, I took Willie deeper into submission. I used
baby steps and never pushed more than I knew he could handle. He was the shyest
man with whom I'd ever worked but was fascinated by the thought of being watched
in a session. His questions were more and more directed towards his servicing
a male Dominant. He would ask again and again about public play. What was it
like? Did female submissive always 'service' a male dominant. (I allow no intercourse
in a session so 'service' to me does not include sexual acts upon my person.)
What is it like to be naked in front of other people? How do they act? How can
they do that?

I have several male dominant friends in the area. They are all loving, caring
sadists who respect the art of BDSM and D/s as much as I do. I invited one such
man to watch a session with Willie. I requested he come into the room after
the session was well underway and just sit and watch. Willie was blindfolded
and securely restrained against a wall where I was in the process of flogging
him. The door opened. My friend walked in and sat down, never having said a
word. Willie had a heightened sense of hearing by this point and knew someone
else was in the room. He was not afraid .. rather, he was frozen in fear! His
body shook. He whimpered and ask who was with us. I whispered to him what I'd
done and told him he could safe word me and the Dom would leave. He didn't have
to be watched. But I wanted it.

Willie didn't safe word me and my friend watched the whole session. He left
and Willie and I had our private time to discuss the days events. This was a
major milestone for my Willie. He had suppressed his own fears and had take
that one extra step into self confidence! I was so proud of him I was about
to burst!

I am now going to share with you parts of a letter Willie sent after our last
session.

"Why was I nervous? The session was beyond my wildest expectations. Every
aspect of it was wild and wonderful. How I wish that this relaxed and mellow
feeling that I have now could last forever."

"I think one important thing I have learned is that if, for whatever reason
if my personal life changed. Divorce or death. I could still make a life for
myself. The life I know now is not the end all. There can be other things. Other
women can actually like me and be attracted to me."

As a Dominatrix I will tell you without reservation that this is the 'why'
we do what we do. In order to rebuild what has almost been destroyed by others,
we use our talents and our art. As a woman who has bottomed I will further tell
you without reservation that the ability to release control is the greatest
joy in the world.

No, your shrink won't tell you these things. They don't usually know.

MzAnna

Copyright 1999

A Lightfoot Publication

Article Reprinted with Permission in August, 1999 issue of BDSM Home Lifestyle
Magazine

Visit Mz Anna's site
for more of her thoughts on the lifestyle and more poetry.

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